TEFL Course Booked

Well compared to last entry, things are going well. For the time being at least.

I have one more week to go till its my Counselling Assessment. I am a little nervous about it to be honest. The last time I was very depressed and close to committing suicide, I never actually asked for any help. I was so confused and helpless. So I am worried that there is some unresolved issues that will be dealt with that I don't really want to face again. Its in the past and that is where it belongs. But on the other hand. If it makes me better then I guess its worth it. As long as they don't stop me from going to Japan, then I don't really mind.

As you can guess from the title, I've booked myself in the two day TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) course. I found a job listed on the TEFL site for a placement in Japan for 12/13 months working as an English Teaching Assistant in any prefecture in Japan. I told about 3 people at work, and they all supported me and said I should go for it. So When I got home, I did. Although its in August and its two days at Southampton. If it gives me a TEFL qualification, then I'm all for it. Then I can apply for a placement in Japan on the last day with my Tutor's help.

It will be strange leaving England behind for a full year, but as someone said to me "What have you got to lose? Surely it's better to try it and perhaps not like it than to spend your while life regretting not doing it. Be confident young lady." Although my mother and younger brother disapproves. I still want to go. It might even help me get into teaching, which is something I've been interested in doing but I don't think I'm a good enough to be a dance teacher. So why not teach a subject that I know. Although I'm really not that great at English. I'm better than some.

So if you live in Japan and I have you as a friend, then if your interested in meeting up, LET ME KNOW!!!

On another note;
To help boost my confidence a little. I finally got my hair coloured and cut!! I'm totally loving it right now! [link]

Art Work Sucks!

I've been trying to work with water colour recently, and now I know what I find it hard to work with. I SUCK AT IT!!!!! I've tried varies things. Like a Stargazer Lily, portraits and another eye piece. But I'm totally not happy with them. They start off well, but then I end up ruining them. They really aren't even worthy of posting on DA. I guess I should stick to Gouache Paints and drawing still life. Just about the only good thing I'm good at.

If I ever change my mind about uploading them, then be warned.... THEY SUCK!

I'm really not doing well recently. Work has gotten me so stressed that I went to the doctors and had a rather long chat. I have my assessment next month to see how bad my mental health actually is. Although I haven't told my parents yet. So I'm sure they are going to get a shock when I keep leaving the house for meetings. But I've never been "well" for a while. So this is definitely a good thing. A chance to finally get better with the proper help rather than trying to deal with it alone.

Plans For The Summer

Well apart from getting my house ready for me to live in, I'm thinking of making one of my rooms into my Art Studio!!! My parents house has a Music room (not a small one either) and I have a room in my house that can be an office or a studio. So an Art studio it is!! I might as well make the most of the room as I'm always drawing when I'm not at my part-time job. I doubt anyone would really buy my paintings. Although some people have told me that I should sell some. At least its worth a try right?!

I actually now can't wait for my studio to be done. Strange how one comment from a friend can give you a nudge into following it through.

I dunno about selling my work online, I've made prints available here on Deviant Art. But nothing has really come out of it. But I'm not gonna let it get me down. I have to just keep drawing. I might start to experiment with colours more in my paintings/sketches. Something that is a bit more vibrant. But will have to see where the creativity takes me.


I honestly don't know how I'm going to go about getting my work seen but I hope something will come up. I've been told to go to the local library and see if they would know about something. Otherwise, I think it will be through word of mouth.

Artistic Skills

I think its about time to admit that I'm really not getting any where drawing portraits in RL style or manga/anime....

I'm think I should stick to painting still life on canvases. I was thinking yesterday that I might actually try to sell some of my paintings this late spring. Not that they are really going to sell, but any bit of extra money will be good. I've already got a few idea's of what I can draw... its just getting a decent sized canvas, which does cost a fair bit of money... Thinking of selling some paintings for about £20-£30 to start off with depending on the size.

So What's New...?

It feels like forever since I created a journal entry..... sorry for not updating so much!

Things have been really hectic recently. And now it doesn't help that I seem to have a cold, which is so annoying but I'm glad to have some days off work to recover. At least working part-time kind of helps. But I've been really busy at work and it seems its not really helping that much. At the end of the day I just need to think about the money more than anything...

If there is one question that is annoying at the moment, its the "Are you ready for Christmas?" one. I'm not ready at all, and to be quite honest.... Its the last thing on my mind. I have a chance to go Christmas shopping this week, maybe on Wednesday if this cold goes away by then. However, I really am stuck as to what to buy people. I do have the money to buy presents this year. Its just that it is hard to buy presents for 3 guys. My brothers aren't really into similar things than me and my Father is always hard to buy for. I have some kind of idea as to what to buy my Mother this year, its just being able to buy her present when she isn't with me as we tend to go shopping together.

My drawing skills have managed to decrease a great deal. I just don't think I'm improving at all at the moment. I thought I was getting better and my [link] cheered me up a little as I thought I had finally gotten hold of my own style. HOWEVER.. I went to do a rough sketch [link] and failed miserably! I really hate the eye's... they just don't look right and I couldn't correct them no matter what I did. It was bad enough that I restarted that piece three times

I've even been neglecting my Japanese studies... well what I'm learning on my own. I've even tried to translate two new songs but that is very slowly progressing. I think that I've pushed it all to one side while I wait to hear that I didn't get a place on the JET Programme. I'm sure when I have more time off that I will get back into it all. As I really would love to be fluent in Japanese some time during my life.

Weeks Holiday

This holiday really has been weird.... I've popped into work too many times even on my Day's off. I guess I really a glutton for punishment. But at least it was for other things rather than actually working a shift. So I can't really complain.

Plus I was able to finally send off my JET application pack. I really hope that I did everything right. But I am glad to have sent it. Was really nervous at the time though. I would love to get an interview but I guess I just have to wait...

I Wish This Pain Would Go Away

Its been almost a month now since I found out I have an inflammatory infection within my chest wall between my lungs and my rib cage. So it can be painful to breathe sometimes as it hurts and I can even find it hard to breathe. At first I was told to take paracetamol and ibuprofen for two days. Yet, the week after I went back to the doctors and they said I had to go back on the painkillers until it clears. I have no idea how long it takes but last Tuesday I thought I would stop taking them and see how it goes. Yet after Church on Sunday, the pain came back and now I'm back on the pain killers.

Its really annoying as I always seem to be the one getting really ill in my family. No one else has had glandular fever or an inflammatory infection but me. Maybe I have a low immune system to illnesses such as these? I even had the flu last year where I slept for three day's. Things just seem to effect me badly and it can get depressing. On another note, things just seem to be at a stand still at the moment. With problems with references for the JET Programme and then with the situation regarding my house. It just feels like everything is happening at once. I'm sure its just to watch me struggle.

The only thing that has kept me sane recently is watching movies, which seems to be two every day so far for the past two weeks. Even though they are all Japanese movies, They are still really great to watch, well I enjoyed watching them at least. I'm sure there isn't really many people who would understand though.