Perplexing Instances
Recently, I’ve been so bewildered by strange conversations with friend’s. I’ve never been able to hold many intense conversations about anything. Yet, it seems that some random conversations still have the tendency to alter into analytical, profound and insightful discussions. Yet when they do alter, it catches me off guard and surprisingly, it’s morphed into talking about my troubles. I don’t mind talking about myself, only on rare occasions. But when it does come to talking about me, paranoia emerges and I wonder what other’s true intentions are. Of course, I do not, by no mean’s, mean it to be offensive. Its just I have a very cautious nature that can sometimes get in the way when I deal with people whom I do not know.
When it comes to making entries such as this, then it isn’t too much of a problem, due to the fact that not many people will read it and that’s fine by me. A blog entry is meant to inform the reader more about the writer and display some mannerisms and characteristics. Otherwise, how else is an online persona going to be created? Of course there are different levels of an online persona, to which I don’t want to go into but hopefully the context has been put across. I will say that there isn’t any difference between my online persona and the ‘me’ in real life. I don’t really see the point of pretending to be someone your not. I wouldn’t do it in real life, so why should I do so online? It might be easier to hide behind a monitor and take a role of someone who is the opposite of who you truly are. But where is the point? Is it really right to seek acceptance that way?
Reverting back to the topic of the entry of perplexing instances, I found myself in a situation on IRC (Internet Relay Chat) where I had three of my friends there supporting me through about something that I was shocked to see we were talking about. It was about my abase nature and its something I don’t talk much about because everyone who talks to me about it fails to see why I am abase. Instead they focus on telling me what I should be doing. But that just gets stretched as I’ve told many people before about past situations and then about time’s where I have tried to gain more confidence but failed.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Twitter Mad
Well I've been wondering what Twitter is like so I've decided to actually set up an account to try it.
[link]
Please feel free to add me, I will try to update it as often as I can.
[link]
Please feel free to add me, I will try to update it as often as I can.
Monday, June 08, 2009
Eye Opening Dreams
I'm sure we have all had one of those dream's where you wake up and wonder where on earth that came from? Like "why did I dream about that?" or "is that what I want to happen now?". Its the kind of dream that you least expected. Then, for the next few nights, you have dreams similar to that first one. That's when you start to wonder what it is they are trying to tell you.
Recently I've been having a certain theme pop-up in my dreams. Its that of me being a mother. Its kind of freaking me out a little. I know I'm 23 and I'm getting younger. But then the logical part of me reminds me that although I'm in a stable relationship. Its not marriage and I don't have the right financial support to even think about making a family.
Oh I should also say, Solking does know about these dream's. So this will not shock him at all.
With the first two or three dream's I had a daughter and then two night's about I had a son. Its to wake up and realise I am far from being a mother so why am I am dreaming about being one. Even though, most of my old school friends have children. I guess I feel a little left out but then again I don't. I feel like the smart one for waiting till I'm fully ready to have a child.
Its scary enough to think that there is going to someday be a little Sazzy running around the place calling me "mummy". I've been told I will make a great mother but that one scares me. It only seems to build up a big expectation of reality.
The Closest I've gotten to acting a like a parent in some way, is when I was babysitting my future nephew's in NY. Solking and I were left to look after the youngest children out of five. So we had to deal with the dirty nappies and crying.
Yet there is a part of me thinking that I could be a mother. I might not be that good but we learn from experience right? Its just I don't want to get pregnant as soon as possible. I would rather wait a few years till Solking and I are fully settled with married life.
Recently I've been having a certain theme pop-up in my dreams. Its that of me being a mother. Its kind of freaking me out a little. I know I'm 23 and I'm getting younger. But then the logical part of me reminds me that although I'm in a stable relationship. Its not marriage and I don't have the right financial support to even think about making a family.
Oh I should also say, Solking does know about these dream's. So this will not shock him at all.
With the first two or three dream's I had a daughter and then two night's about I had a son. Its to wake up and realise I am far from being a mother so why am I am dreaming about being one. Even though, most of my old school friends have children. I guess I feel a little left out but then again I don't. I feel like the smart one for waiting till I'm fully ready to have a child.
Its scary enough to think that there is going to someday be a little Sazzy running around the place calling me "mummy". I've been told I will make a great mother but that one scares me. It only seems to build up a big expectation of reality.
The Closest I've gotten to acting a like a parent in some way, is when I was babysitting my future nephew's in NY. Solking and I were left to look after the youngest children out of five. So we had to deal with the dirty nappies and crying.
Yet there is a part of me thinking that I could be a mother. I might not be that good but we learn from experience right? Its just I don't want to get pregnant as soon as possible. I would rather wait a few years till Solking and I are fully settled with married life.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
News Update
I had been meaning to add a new entry, but it seems I never find the motivation to do so. So here I am, typing away.
I managed to figure out how to make a CSS gallery, and I am pleased to say, that it is finished unless I create new pieces, in which case I will be uploading them for all to see. The only other addition to the site, that I can think will help, is a guestbook. But I am not entirely sure if it will be a good thing to add. Due to the fact that I have this blog and I think I can get a plug-in to add a guest book to here. So please comment on if you think I should add one or not.
Otherwise, I have been able to get a 2 month extension to my course work. Seeing I only have 5 more topics to cover and that should be more than enough time to finish them. I’ve even gone as far as to make up a study timetable so I don’t spend so much time just doing one topic. I know it might be a little strange to do, but it really does help me a lot and thats the main thing. The only two long topics are PHP and CIW security but I am hoping to get them done quickly. I don’t want my parents to waste their money on something I never got around to finishing.
As far as my GFX skills go, I am kind of improving especially since I’ve become more serious in GFX and trying to get my skills up to a high level. I think at the moment, its more around intermediate level. So I must be getting there. If you haven’t noticed, I have even started to create wallpapers now. Some might not be as good as others. But I am really getting to photomontage type images. Its just the rendering of some of the images that takes a while. But I am really please with how they have turned out so far.
Which reminds me, I have also added a new section to the gallery, which is tutorials. I started making them ages ago. Seeing as this site is an online portfolio, I thought it would be wise to upload them to here. Some are better at explaining for those who are beginners but then the most recent is less explained to act more as a guide on how things where done rather than a instruction as I’ve seen in most signatures.
So please have a look around the site, and comment back ^_^
I managed to figure out how to make a CSS gallery, and I am pleased to say, that it is finished unless I create new pieces, in which case I will be uploading them for all to see. The only other addition to the site, that I can think will help, is a guestbook. But I am not entirely sure if it will be a good thing to add. Due to the fact that I have this blog and I think I can get a plug-in to add a guest book to here. So please comment on if you think I should add one or not.
Otherwise, I have been able to get a 2 month extension to my course work. Seeing I only have 5 more topics to cover and that should be more than enough time to finish them. I’ve even gone as far as to make up a study timetable so I don’t spend so much time just doing one topic. I know it might be a little strange to do, but it really does help me a lot and thats the main thing. The only two long topics are PHP and CIW security but I am hoping to get them done quickly. I don’t want my parents to waste their money on something I never got around to finishing.
As far as my GFX skills go, I am kind of improving especially since I’ve become more serious in GFX and trying to get my skills up to a high level. I think at the moment, its more around intermediate level. So I must be getting there. If you haven’t noticed, I have even started to create wallpapers now. Some might not be as good as others. But I am really getting to photomontage type images. Its just the rendering of some of the images that takes a while. But I am really please with how they have turned out so far.
Which reminds me, I have also added a new section to the gallery, which is tutorials. I started making them ages ago. Seeing as this site is an online portfolio, I thought it would be wise to upload them to here. Some are better at explaining for those who are beginners but then the most recent is less explained to act more as a guide on how things where done rather than a instruction as I’ve seen in most signatures.
So please have a look around the site, and comment back ^_^
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Back From America
Well seeing as I said I would make a thread about my trip when I got back, here it is!
Well after I landed in JFK it took me a while to see Solking again as it was really crowded when I walked through. I mean its no wonder I couldn't see him. But He walked over to me again so that's cool.
When we got back to his, I was so glad to be able to just relax and forget about work and studying for a while. It was totally what I needed as I don't tend to relax that much at home. Yes I sit in front of my PC all day but that doesn't mean its all care free etc. I study online and when I'm not studying I'm trying to get my skills in Photoshop up to a good enough standard that I can get a job in Digital art and web design.
But anyway...While I was in New York, Eddie took me around Far Rockaway, Manhattan, and the Bronx Zoo. It had been so long that I had been in Far Rockaway, yet it didn't take me long to adjust to the surroundings. I got used to people driving on the "wrong" - yes Eddie the WRONG!! side of the road lol. I even got use to the currency.. I guess keeping some from my last visit helped a little.
Well for my birthday Eddie and I went to Times Square and had lunch at TGI Fridays where I had a Mudslide and Eddie had a Long Island Ice Tea. The mudslide was so nice I was tempted to get another drink but I'm glad I didn't because when we got the bill, it all came to $64 for two drinks and two meals. After the meal we went for a walk around the shops etc but I didn't buy anything as I was kind of low on money in my wallet :P
Then for our next trip Eddie took me to Ground Zero. I would have liked to have gone to the Tourist centre but really it wasn't well marked, so instead we walked around the village and then up to 14th Ave. to the station to go home because it was raining and we were both getting tired from walking about so much.
One weekend we went to Youth Ministries event out of state, to which I don't know where but it was fun. Even though when the speakers were talking, they kept changing from English to Spanish. So poor Eddie had to translate some of it for me. but it was all fun. In the afternoon, they had Building 429 play so at least that was some songs I could hear and the recognise the words for.
For the following week, we went to the Bronx zoo. It did take us a while to get there because the signs for the entrances is pathetic. But once we got there, we went everywhere! even if the animals were no where to be seen. But I got to see the Tiger and the Polar bar so I am happy. I think Eddie was happy that he got to see the Turtles :P so it was all good. Although the sea lions were just as cute but we couldn't take any of them home T_____T
Otherwise, we made sure that we left the apartment once every two days. So we were cooped up most of the trip. Even if it was to the library, Dunkin Donuts and to get some soda :P it was worth the fresh air.
Then when the day came for us to leave, it was strange that we had nine hours to go yet we were ready. The trip was really worth it. Its just that all the pictures can be seen on my facebook page, for those who have it and have me added. Otherwise, I don't think you will be able to see all the pictures.
Well after I landed in JFK it took me a while to see Solking again as it was really crowded when I walked through. I mean its no wonder I couldn't see him. But He walked over to me again so that's cool.
When we got back to his, I was so glad to be able to just relax and forget about work and studying for a while. It was totally what I needed as I don't tend to relax that much at home. Yes I sit in front of my PC all day but that doesn't mean its all care free etc. I study online and when I'm not studying I'm trying to get my skills in Photoshop up to a good enough standard that I can get a job in Digital art and web design.
But anyway...While I was in New York, Eddie took me around Far Rockaway, Manhattan, and the Bronx Zoo. It had been so long that I had been in Far Rockaway, yet it didn't take me long to adjust to the surroundings. I got used to people driving on the "wrong" - yes Eddie the WRONG!! side of the road lol. I even got use to the currency.. I guess keeping some from my last visit helped a little.
Well for my birthday Eddie and I went to Times Square and had lunch at TGI Fridays where I had a Mudslide and Eddie had a Long Island Ice Tea. The mudslide was so nice I was tempted to get another drink but I'm glad I didn't because when we got the bill, it all came to $64 for two drinks and two meals. After the meal we went for a walk around the shops etc but I didn't buy anything as I was kind of low on money in my wallet :P
Then for our next trip Eddie took me to Ground Zero. I would have liked to have gone to the Tourist centre but really it wasn't well marked, so instead we walked around the village and then up to 14th Ave. to the station to go home because it was raining and we were both getting tired from walking about so much.
One weekend we went to Youth Ministries event out of state, to which I don't know where but it was fun. Even though when the speakers were talking, they kept changing from English to Spanish. So poor Eddie had to translate some of it for me. but it was all fun. In the afternoon, they had Building 429 play so at least that was some songs I could hear and the recognise the words for.
For the following week, we went to the Bronx zoo. It did take us a while to get there because the signs for the entrances is pathetic. But once we got there, we went everywhere! even if the animals were no where to be seen. But I got to see the Tiger and the Polar bar so I am happy. I think Eddie was happy that he got to see the Turtles :P so it was all good. Although the sea lions were just as cute but we couldn't take any of them home T_____T
Otherwise, we made sure that we left the apartment once every two days. So we were cooped up most of the trip. Even if it was to the library, Dunkin Donuts and to get some soda :P it was worth the fresh air.
Then when the day came for us to leave, it was strange that we had nine hours to go yet we were ready. The trip was really worth it. Its just that all the pictures can be seen on my facebook page, for those who have it and have me added. Otherwise, I don't think you will be able to see all the pictures.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
WOOOT VACATION!!!!
well its finalized, I am going on vacation 15th March to go and see my wonderful fiancé in New York. Hopefully the pictures will be better and I won't look so dead in them.
I haven't had a holiday in two years and I really need one and its a bonus that I get to spend time with my fiancé Solking so its worth it. The difference with this vacation is that I don't have to worry about baby sitting but I get to go site seeing. I really want to see Ground Zero, as I did a project about at University as well as the Bombings in London a few years back.
Its cheered me up that I have finally brought my ticket and insurance. I just have to study as much as I can before I go so I don't have to do much studying when I'm there.
I haven't had a holiday in two years and I really need one and its a bonus that I get to spend time with my fiancé Solking so its worth it. The difference with this vacation is that I don't have to worry about baby sitting but I get to go site seeing. I really want to see Ground Zero, as I did a project about at University as well as the Bombings in London a few years back.
Its cheered me up that I have finally brought my ticket and insurance. I just have to study as much as I can before I go so I don't have to do much studying when I'm there.
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