Some Things Must Come to an End

I'm having a horrible week and bought this CD to cheer me up. But I really can't believe that the past year is almost ending. I know some things must come to an end. So my first year Japan is ending and its Graduation for the 3rd High Schools students here. I am very lucky to have been allowed to join the ceremony this year. I didn't actually ask, I just left a post-it note on MY desk, and the JTE saw it and asked.... I was totally going to ask today as I left the post-it note to remind me to ask. I was saved the trouble I guess. Its just going to be strange to say goodbye to all the 3rd year students. Although, I only teach two classes out of the three. They are still interesting students who have spoken to me outside of classes and have seemed to have taken an interest in learning English. Even if some don't like the JTE. I felt accepted by the students because they seemed to talk to me and even though they would sometimes ask non-topic related questions during class, they still eventually did the worksheets I set them. I know I am never going to forget the students I taught for the first year of teaching. But I also feel a little guilty for getting attached to them. But if I don't get close to my students, how am I meant to understand them and figure out what works for them when trying to learn what I'm teaching. I guess its just a downside to teaching. Its been a great year, although with some awkward moments and I hope I don't get any more horny students making about my body shape. But I think I've settled into my role a little more and I can handle the students if it gets out of control. When I arrived I didn't know what to expect at my schools, what the teachers were like, if they would accept me and if they would talk to me. One of the best choices I made, was asking to join the Brass Band Club. Though I feel bad for not going as much as I should, but I was in the staff room working on things. So its not like I was missing it for a lame reason such as not really wanting to go. It was the perfect opportunity to get to know more of my students and keep playing the flute. As much as I would like to have my third year students again for another year, I can't keep them behind a year. I can only wish them the best and hope they do what they really want to do. I just have to make sure that I don't start crying when its time to say goodbye to them. Though its going to be hard, as my small class of 9 were amazing students and I got on with them really well. Its just a little shame that there is going to be more changes than I hope in the future. But I guess its going to be a new challenge and one I will have to face.

Life Goes On

Okay so this will be the last time I up-date about this sort of thing for a while.

If you follow my facebook then you will already know that I got rejected recently. Well I can’t really blame the guy who is going to marry his fiancé soon. I really do know how to choose them. Anyway, at least I can’t say I tried. But is it bad that rather than hurting from a broken heart, I am numb more than anything?

I guess this is the fourth time in a row where it’s happened, so it’s not really a surprise or anything. Maybe I am just used to it by now. Isn’t there a phrase “Rejection is my only friend”? But isn’t better to have rejection as a friend, than regret? At least I can’t complain that I tried or that I wish I had tried harder. It is strange how things turn out now. But I guess in a way, I am glad it didn’t work out.

If anything, it has opened my eyes that maybe I don’t need to only stay here for four years, like I want to. But I am seriously thinking about working in South Korea too. I could even only stay here in Japan for three years and then maybe two years in Korea or something. I know I am getting close to thirty, and it is my twenty-eighth birthday in exactly one month’s time. So why can’t I explore the world now. Of course I would still love to go to South Korea for a holiday in the summer if I can. I’ve wanted to go there for a while and it is cheaper to fly from Japan than from the UK. At least there is that advantage. I will just have to look further into how about getting a job there. But it is not as if I need to decide soon because I still want to live in Japan longer. I am just thinking about after my job here before going back to England with more life experience and qualifications as a teacher.

In the grander scale of life, I am still really young and it could still just too early for me to settle. Although the peer pressure from other friends who have already got boyfriends and are settling down, it’s still hard to feel out of place. One thing is for sure, I know I am not getting any younger. I just need to live life at my own pace and try to put out the fact, that I am one of the few people who are focused on working (well I should be…) out of my mind.

It’s just a dream as it is to be living in a country I’ve always wanted to visit for years. I have a job here and a very nice apartment. So I just need to worry about that. Plus, since I was a child, I thought I wasn’t cut out for dating and that I would probably end up alone. So why am I disappointed by getting rejected. Okay I admit to being lonely and I’ve been like this for a while. So what is another 5, 10, 20 or so years going to do? At least I get to try and stand on my own two feet in Japan first.

I know I should really focus on learning the language and getting to understand the teachers around me. Maybe I should just try to find some classes first and then work from there. Learning on my own is only helping me in some degree.

I might be getting older, but I just to be confident in myself to not want a want to fill a gap that maybe men cannot fill.

One Big Step

 

I finally took one big step today. Although, I did the cowardly thing and didn't give it to him directly, but I put in his shoe locker instead. But I am still embarrassed that I actually did something like this. I've been so long out of the dating game, that even the Japanese way of courting is confusing. But thank goodness for Shoujo manga lol Now I just have to wait. At least, I hope he noticed this bag inside... but if he didn't, then he had better find it tomorrow >.<

I am still going round in circles about if its really okay to pursue someone who works at the same school as you. But we don't actually work together or even sit together in the staff room. So that's a positive thing. Its just I don't want fellow staff members to think poorly of me for it either. I just like him for who he is and I have no hidden agenda.

However, how can anyone not like this guy for who he is? His way of say hello is adorable because he is a shy guy. But on Monday, he was shovelling the snow (yeah I looked at ass at some point or another.. well if he would have his back to me, what else am I meant to do :P ). He was standing under the porch roof, about to move more snow when a large pile of snow falls directly in front of him. So he turns round to see if anyone saw as well, and it just so happened to me. So he does this kind of "kyaaaaa" face and I can't help but laugh, but I am also trying to think of something to say in Japanese, but all the words escape my mind and I carry on laughing. I think I was the only one who saw so it was our little moment.

I think people who are smart enough must have caught on that I like him. I think I smile to him more than anyone else and I tend to look around the room more to see if he is there.

Except for today. The only reason I was able to sneak his chocolates into his shoe locker was because there was a meeting at 2pm and there wasn't any students around. So I put it in when no one was around. After that, I kept my head down went back to writing notes on a book I've been reading for almost a year now about planning lessons and classes. This is solely for my Eikaiwa's (English conversation classes). I know Interac. has their way of teaching so I follow their guidelines for school lessons.

Now its a waiting game to see if he actually contacts me. I am really thankful for my friends who helped me write in a card. It was only a little message in Japanese. So I hope he understands.

Fingers crossed people!

It's Vast Approaching

Valentine's Day is vast approaching. I bought these chocolates for the guy I like today. Although, for a an hour or so I've been wondering if I made the right choice. What if he has a nut allergy or something. I don't want him to end up in hospital or anything. I don't think I've ever thought so much about Valentine's day as much as I have this year. I know it might have something to do with being in a different country and going by what they do. But still, even though I dated in the past, I never really gave anyone a present because I wanted to tell them I really like them. I just want things to work out as this has slowly been progressing over 9/10 months. I think I had another clue this week that he likes me. On Thursday, I decided to wear a hat to work because my ears would still get really cold when standing outside for 35mins to greet the students in the morning. Then one of the Diving teachers said he liked my hat and I had "nice sense", which I am guessing he meant it looked good. Now the two other teachers were laughing a little at his simple English. Then the embarrassing moment when along comes Mr. Sexy, he says his usually "Goodo Mornigu". But then he stands still about a meter in front of me, does his smile with a nod. I think I then smile way too much to see him stand still for a moment before he embarrassingly carries on walking into school. But as he walks past the other teachers, the one who said he liked my outfit, I think tries to get him to say the same. Then the other teacher's join in. It was like they are ganging up on him to say something about how I look. So I nervously look in their direction to see him looking at me. He sadly (yet also cute too) scurries away into the building. Now I was embarrassed at the time too, but I keep waiting for him to say something. I don't want to push him, but he really needs to speak up soon! I just hope that these chocolates are the key. I have figured out how to give him the chocolates.. I found that his shoe locker is near mine! Well, thats if I have recognized the Kanji for his name correctly. But that means its easier to slip it in when I have a free lesson on Thursday as I don't go to the school on a Friday, so he will get the chocolates a day early. All that is left to do now, is figure out how to write the message. I was thinking something like:

ハッピーバレンタイン！ あなたが、好きです。

That is as far as I get. It looks so lame to write just that. Yet, what else do I say? "彼氏ください。" (Please be my boyfriend).... Thinking of what to write is almost as bad as what chocolates to get T__T

HELP!!!

Proud Moment

Its a proud moment yet tearful one when I read this. A student gave me her exchange diary today and she wrote this message inside. I had a very small class of 9 3rd year students studying Oral Communication. But now their final tests have started and I don't get to teach this amazing little group any more.

This small class was such a joy to teach and I really got to know them. They were the perfect small group of students who interacted, listened and studied very hard. I hope their little project was enjoyable as they learnt about describing a character, while reviewing what they had already learnt but put in a different way and expanded on it.

Compared to when I first started teaching them and starting the exchange diaries, their English has improved so much and so has their pronunciation. I am rather sad to say good bye to my 3rd year students as they welcomed me the most and talked to me a lot during and outside of classes.

Seeing a student write something like this makes me proud and very happy to have come to this country to teach. There may have been times when I confused them why trying my best to explain.

Now I can only wish them the best and hope they don't forget what they have learnt during my lessons .

All The Best 3A at Taneichi!