I really can't wait for October to come along!! I'm patiently waiting but its just starting to get too much!
Mostly because I pre-ordered ONE OK ROCK's 5th Album and I'm really looking forward to listening to it. I totally love their new singles so the album is really going to worth the wait. I just wish I could skip September and get to October already!
Also, October is when the application period for JET opens. I've just got to ask my references to confirm they will be ok with it. Then its down to applying!
And how can I forget...... HALLOWEEN! The best day of the year! when we can finally celebrate in the darkness of night, I really really really want to celebrate it this year in the proper way. None of that boring "oh its Halloween" but to go all out, dress up, and enjoy myself!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Friday, August 05, 2011
Its Frustrating
So many things have been playing around in my mind recently. It almost feels like torture really. I really am the kind of person who will beat themselves up about something. So, in a way, I kind of inflict this pain on myself. I really am starting to feel useless. Any thing I try to do, and I mess it up.
These past four months really feel like an eternity. After ending a relationship with someone who really loved me, but because of the distance I felt so lonely and pressured. I started to doubt things, but the more I doubted, the more secluded I became. I really love him and he was the first person to really accept me for who I was. But I just couldn't hold on any longer. I know that I should have just spoke about things with him. But I didn't know how. Its hard to tell someone you love that there isn't a way for us to live together as we both feel that we can't live in each other's countries. I wish there was another way, but what does is done. I just feel so ashamed to being who I am and how I felt.
I'm twenty-five years old, yet I really don't think I will ever say that I'm a place in my life where I want to be. I know where I would like to be, but I just don't think anything will happen the way I want it to. I've been through so many stages in my life where I tried something different, but it didn't work out. Even now, I'm working towards hopefully getting a place in the JET Programme. Yet I keep doubting myself because I don't think I'm good enough to apply. I've tried to tell myself that I might as well try to apply, otherwise I'm going to regret it. I would really love to go to Japan and above all, help teach English and possibly dance too.
However, in the back of my mind I feel like even though I will apply, nothings going to happen and I'm going to get rejected. I know I shouldn't think that way. I just can't help it. I should have more confidence with things like this but I just can't help it.
I just want to do something in my life that I can be really happy about. I'm happy that I went to University and graduated. But I want to do something to show what I learnt back then. I really don't want it to go to waste. But at the moment..... that's exactly what I feel like. I graduated four year's ago, yet I've done nothing to show what I did. Even though I don't really know how going to Japan is going to help really. I just feel that if I'm in Japan that I can experience something completely different and be given a new lease of life. I can try different things and be glad that I tried them. At the moment, I feel like I've fallen into this routine where I'm doing the same things day-in-day-out and its not getting me any where.
Maybe I'm just subconsciously restricting myself because I've been living in this house for far too long and there isn't anything new for me to experience. I really need to get out.
I just want something to work out, and work out properly!! Is that really too much to ask for?
These past four months really feel like an eternity. After ending a relationship with someone who really loved me, but because of the distance I felt so lonely and pressured. I started to doubt things, but the more I doubted, the more secluded I became. I really love him and he was the first person to really accept me for who I was. But I just couldn't hold on any longer. I know that I should have just spoke about things with him. But I didn't know how. Its hard to tell someone you love that there isn't a way for us to live together as we both feel that we can't live in each other's countries. I wish there was another way, but what does is done. I just feel so ashamed to being who I am and how I felt.
I'm twenty-five years old, yet I really don't think I will ever say that I'm a place in my life where I want to be. I know where I would like to be, but I just don't think anything will happen the way I want it to. I've been through so many stages in my life where I tried something different, but it didn't work out. Even now, I'm working towards hopefully getting a place in the JET Programme. Yet I keep doubting myself because I don't think I'm good enough to apply. I've tried to tell myself that I might as well try to apply, otherwise I'm going to regret it. I would really love to go to Japan and above all, help teach English and possibly dance too.
However, in the back of my mind I feel like even though I will apply, nothings going to happen and I'm going to get rejected. I know I shouldn't think that way. I just can't help it. I should have more confidence with things like this but I just can't help it.
I just want to do something in my life that I can be really happy about. I'm happy that I went to University and graduated. But I want to do something to show what I learnt back then. I really don't want it to go to waste. But at the moment..... that's exactly what I feel like. I graduated four year's ago, yet I've done nothing to show what I did. Even though I don't really know how going to Japan is going to help really. I just feel that if I'm in Japan that I can experience something completely different and be given a new lease of life. I can try different things and be glad that I tried them. At the moment, I feel like I've fallen into this routine where I'm doing the same things day-in-day-out and its not getting me any where.
Maybe I'm just subconsciously restricting myself because I've been living in this house for far too long and there isn't anything new for me to experience. I really need to get out.
I just want something to work out, and work out properly!! Is that really too much to ask for?
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
新しい日に新しいスタート!
Well things seem to be getting better. I think its because I'm getting excited about apply for the JET Programme, even though there is no guarantee that I will get a place. But its worth trying. I just need to get my references sorted out pretty soon so I can apply as soon as I can in October.
Wish me luck!
I am looking forward to going if I get a place. It really will be a lifetime experience. Evenmore so as I will be helping teach English. I might even trying and see if they will let me teach contemporary dance classes too and hopefully take part in their dance classes... but who knows. Fingers crossed!
Wish me luck!
I am looking forward to going if I get a place. It really will be a lifetime experience. Evenmore so as I will be helping teach English. I might even trying and see if they will let me teach contemporary dance classes too and hopefully take part in their dance classes... but who knows. Fingers crossed!
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