Horrible Day

I finally had my first lesson in learning the Koto (Japanese Harp) yesterday with class 1A. I was little nervous as it was my first time learning an instrument in Japan, even more so as the music is in Japanese and in Japanese style. Thank goodness most of the strings are just numbered and don’t have a name. Therefore, it’s a little easier for mean the teacher made a key of all the names, just in case.

It is a very lovely instrument and I can’t wait to have another lesson.  I would like to really learn it and then show off to people back home that I have a sixth instrument I can play. I was also asked if I wanted to learn another Japanese instrument and I wasn't going to turn down such an offer. I might as well learn as much as I can while I am here.

However, today was another matter. It was both horrible and good.

I was unsure on how I would do with my last lesson with my 3K students. This class of boys were the first class I ever taught back in April and I didn't know what to expect from them. This past year I have seen all my students open up and accept me as their teacher. Even more so to the third year classes. They were a really interesting group and it will be sad to see them leave. But they still haven't technically finished school. But I wish I could be there for their graduation ceremony. I don't think I am welcomed though. I know I should asked if I can play but I feel like that would be imposing on them.

Anyway, I was 15 minutes into teacher their lesson. Only to have my JTE, come to the class and ask me to go to 1B instead. This is when I go into panic mode, because I totally didn't plan their lesson and no extra materials like it said in my SLP. Because I had a new schedule placed on my desk on Monday. And when I asked the JTE  if I have 3K and not 1AB, he said yes. So I was really confused. I had planned a little speech at the end of 3K class as a thank you and good luck. But now I won't ever get to say it to them (TT__TT)

Okay, so its update time!

Now I haven’t been talking much to the guy I like recently because it’s hard to start a conversation. However, he still does his cute, nervous and shy head nod while smiling. I think he only does it to me... I have not seen him do it to anyone else. So that’s something right?

I am still unsure about it all really. It’s a little strange that he works at the same school I do,  but that also makes me wonder if its worth pursuing such a thing. It definitely is a hard to stop going around in circles.

It doesn't help that I haven't heard anything from him yet. Maybe writing my email and number in pencil wasn't a good idea.. or he never opened it because he doesn't like me the way I think he does. Which is also possible.

Hate it!

I starting to really hate things at the moment. I thought I was unsure where I belonged before I got a job in Japan. Now its even worse, I Hate it!

Most people are telling me "Do what you think is right" or "Do whatever makes you happy"... Getting a job in Japan is a dream. To be able to help children learn more about English culture is something I never thought I would be able to do. But what about my home in the UK? Can I really call it the place I call "home"? I am feeling a little lost and confused about it all.

My father asked me when I thought it was best to put my car up on a local e-bay type site. Now to me, my car is a precious thing that I don't want to loose. I bought it will all my own money and worked hard to get it. If there was a way to import it back to Japan, then I would definitely do it. But selling it just doesn't seem right. I know I plan to stay in Japan for a year or more but does that really mean I have to sell it?

I've also had my Brother tell me that I should sell everything I own to get the money to use in Japan. But wouldn't that mean loosing every reason I have to come back? Do people really not want me to come back after a year?? Am I really that loved??? I know it might seem that I am really twisting people's words, but its what I am feeling at the moment.

Maybe I should really sell everything I have here in England. My computer, my car, my personal belongings, and maybe even my house, which I probably won't ever get to live in. I thought having things here would make me feel like I will always a place to come back to. A place that is familiar. Was I really just imagining it all?

Its probably for the best. I have always thought that going to Japan would mean a new start and a new life. Where I can meet new people and other people who love Anime, Manga, J-Rock, J-Pop and even K-Pop like I do. I get to go to Karaoke bars and have a laugh with my new co-workers while still trying to keep up with social hierarchy.