Okay so this will be the last time I up-date about this sort of thing for a while.
If you follow my facebook then you will already know that I got rejected recently. Well I can’t really blame the guy who is going to marry his fiancé soon. I really do know how to choose them. Anyway, at least I can’t say I tried. But is it bad that rather than hurting from a broken heart, I am numb more than anything?
I guess this is the fourth time in a row where it’s happened, so it’s not really a surprise or anything. Maybe I am just used to it by now. Isn’t there a phrase “Rejection is my only friend”? But isn’t better to have rejection as a friend, than regret? At least I can’t complain that I tried or that I wish I had tried harder. It is strange how things turn out now. But I guess in a way, I am glad it didn’t work out.
If anything, it has opened my eyes that maybe I don’t need to only stay here for four years, like I want to. But I am seriously thinking about working in South Korea too. I could even only stay here in Japan for three years and then maybe two years in Korea or something. I know I am getting close to thirty, and it is my twenty-eighth birthday in exactly one month’s time. So why can’t I explore the world now. Of course I would still love to go to South Korea for a holiday in the summer if I can. I’ve wanted to go there for a while and it is cheaper to fly from Japan than from the UK. At least there is that advantage. I will just have to look further into how about getting a job there. But it is not as if I need to decide soon because I still want to live in Japan longer. I am just thinking about after my job here before going back to England with more life experience and qualifications as a teacher.
In the grander scale of life, I am still really young and it could still just too early for me to settle. Although the peer pressure from other friends who have already got boyfriends and are settling down, it’s still hard to feel out of place. One thing is for sure, I know I am not getting any younger. I just need to live life at my own pace and try to put out the fact, that I am one of the few people who are focused on working (well I should be…) out of my mind.
It’s just a dream as it is to be living in a country I’ve always wanted to visit for years. I have a job here and a very nice apartment. So I just need to worry about that. Plus, since I was a child, I thought I wasn’t cut out for dating and that I would probably end up alone. So why am I disappointed by getting rejected. Okay I admit to being lonely and I’ve been like this for a while. So what is another 5, 10, 20 or so years going to do? At least I get to try and stand on my own two feet in Japan first.
I know I should really focus on learning the language and getting to understand the teachers around me. Maybe I should just try to find some classes first and then work from there. Learning on my own is only helping me in some degree.
I might be getting older, but I just to be confident in myself to not want a want to fill a gap that maybe men cannot fill.
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